Do you like to plan for every eventuality? Do you feel really uncomfortable not knowing what’s going to happen? Do you second guess what people are thinking and try to act accordingly?
This topic has been coming up a lot lately. For my clients, but also for myself.
As humans we’ve got very good at predicting risk and trying to avoid it at pretty much any cost.
We therefore, can become fearful of making a mistake and getting it wrong.
So, in our attempts to ensure we make the ‘right’ decisions we end up planning for every eventuality and trying to force everything (and everyone) down a set path.
But this never works!
Because there’s no way we can possibly predict what’s going to happen or how people will respond with absolute certainty.
There are simply far too many options to navigate.
So, what are the costs of trying to do predict and plan for everything to avoid disappointment or making a mistake:
- We become exhausted trying to plan everything to the nth degree.
- We live on continually high levels of stress and anxiety trying to control everything.
- We ignore other people’s desires, needs and wants.
- We make huge assumptions (which are usually wrong) about the situation.
- We cannot possibly know what others are thinking and feeling.
- We have no clue how others will respond to a situation.
- We can feel like we’ve failed when the outcome isn’t quite what we planned.
- We stay completely stuck for fear of getting it wrong.
I could reel off a few more reasons why it doesn’t work, but I think you get the picture 😉
It’s not ideal is it??
But I think for me the main consequence is that we stop ourselves from ever being in flow. We feel completely disconnected from ourselves and trusting that there’s a bigger picture at play where everything is connected.
We don’t allow things to unfold in their own good time.
The more we try to fight that and try to control it, the harder it becomes. The more disconnected we become from trusting that everything and everyone is connected, the further we push away our hopes, our dreams and being content with life, as it is right now.
Read more about the four things that have helped over the years to get more comfortable with uncertainty (but not quite perfected!)
- Trust yourself. How you feel is a sign post. If it feels good deep down then keep doing it. If it doesn’t, try another way. Any other way is better than carrying on.
- Be in flow. If it’s hard work and an uphill struggle, it’s not right. Find what feels good for you and step towards that.
- Step away. Take a step back and see the bigger picture. Is this going to matter in 6 months? 1 year? 5 years? Probably not.
- Get it wrong. Be willing to make a mistake. What’s the worst that can happen? Mistakes always offer you an opportunity to learn. That way you can get one step closer to where you want to be.
You are not here to suffer or to ‘learn’ life lessons the hard way. You are here to experience yourself, warts and all, and discover how to be ok with who you are – including all your wonderful quirks.
Look inside yourself and see that we are all beautiful beings trying to figure out this strange thing called life.
We’re all in it together.
Let others see the True you.
That way the people that love and appreciate you for all your gifts will begin to ‘see’ the true you. Not the person you are trying to be.
Remember: Start small and build from there.
P.S. What one thing makes you really uncomfortable not knowing? By doing something different you will start to find a solution that works for you. Give it a go, what have you got to lose?
P.P.S. Reply by email – I’d love to hear how you are getting on, or let me know if you’re struggling and need a little inspiration to make a start!? email@example.com