Do you have everything mapped out? Do like to know exactly how things will happen and what everyone else needs to do in order for things to be ok? Do you feel it will all fall apart if something or someone gets in the way??
Or do you go with the flow, able to navigate things that crop up, and keep going with a sense of calm and achievement?
There are different kinds of control.
There’s the positive kind of control that helps us get where we want to go, navigating our way in a fluid and flow-like way.
We have a clear idea and vision about where we want to go or what we want to achieve.
Things might crop up along the way which distract us momentarily, but that’s ok. We get over the frustration relatively quickly – there is inevitably frustration along the way – we course correct and then keep going.
We allow people to figure out their own journey as we go on ours. We support them rather trying to get them to do it our way.
We are strong, resilient and we have the resources to cope with whatever is put in our path.
This is control with strength and courage. It’s a softer kind of control that is fluid and open to change.
And then there’s another kind of control.
It’s not bad or negative. Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t like to place things quite so quickly into good/bad, wrong/right etc.
It’s just different.
But this kind of control generally feels more like a fight and a struggle to get to where you’re heading.
Nothing feels in flow and any challenges or diversions along this path feel frustrating and usually sets you back.
We also try to get everyone else to fit in with our life plan, trying to ensure that if they do things a certain way or behave a certain way it’ll all work out fine.
It definitely takes us longer to get where we’re going when we hold onto this kind of control in our lives.
It affects our work, our relationships with colleagues, family and friends, and it affects our own wellbeing and of course, our confidence.
This is a rigid form of control. It’s unnerving and we always feel as though we’re on the back foot. We feel like we’re only just about holding onto control and it erodes our confidence as time goes by.
So, which kind of control shows up the most for you?
If it’s the less positive kind, then there are a few things you can do to start feeling more in control so that your confidence soars.
I was chatting with a client of mine recently who now feels so much more in control of where her life is heading. She responds to situations and those people around her in a very different way, especially those that are closest to her.
So today’s 3 tips are actually my client’s top tips on how she has gained more ‘positive’ control in her life:
- Stay aware of it – become aware of when you’re trying to control something or someone to fit into your way of doing thing. How might you be able to navigate the odd bump in the road or hurdle, without it stopping you in your tracks?
- Say no to things and people – this isn’t easy for many of us. We’re often trying to please others or avoid criticism so we do things we don’t want to. Ask yourself what do I want to do here or what do I need right now that will give me contentment?
- Ask why I’m doing it – everything we do, say or how we act impacts those around us as well as ourselves. Before we react, take a moment to ask yourself, how will doing this (or saying this), impact those around me, and how will it affect me?
We are all responsible for how we react in a situation or towards others. When something unexpected happens then it can either derail us or set us back. Or we can find a way to navigate around it and keep going. We become resilient and find ways to do things differently. We take control of our lives and find solutions in order to keep moving forward. There’s nothing more empowering than that 🙂
Remember: Start small and build from there.
P.S. Where in your life, do you not feel in control at the moment? By doing something different you will start to find a solution that works for you. Give it a go, what have you got to lose?
P.P.S. Reply via email – I’d love to hear how you are getting on, or let me know if you’re struggling and need a little inspiration to make a start! firstname.lastname@example.org